The passing of Stephen Gately brings back memories of my partner, Martin Horton, who died in 1991. He was only 30 but at the time I remember taking comfort in the fact that he'd reached his 30's. I naively thought, as a twenty something, that 30 was reasonably old. Now I realise just how young 30 is - and so is 33 which was the age of Stephen Gately.

For me, the passing of the years has brought an acceptance that Martin was supposed to be here for a short time. If he was meant to live until his 80's, he would have done. Obviously, I speak with a voice that's had eighteen years (almost to the day) to come to terms with losing such a young person but bitter experience does tell me that calm acceptance is the only real way forwards. I've played every What If game there is - 'what might we have been doing now?', 'how old would he have been now?', 'where would we be living now?' What If games are a part of the grieving process and maybe they serve a valuable purpose. Eventually though, they will have to give way to quiet, calm acceptance.

I sincerely hope that Stephen Gately's family, friends and partner are able to move forwards and achieve peace of mind.